


Under The Influence

by FabulaRasa



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-09
Updated: 2010-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabulaRasa/pseuds/FabulaRasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's entitled to light one up occasionally, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under The Influence

"So. How stoned do you suppose we are?"

"Very, very, very. . . . very stoned, I would say."

"That's about what I was thinking."

"What on earth are we listening to, Black?"

"Mood music. Hey, Remus, hand the pipe this way. Don't you like it?"

"I don't understand. Who is the girl in question and what are 'kaleidoscope eyes'?"

"They're symbolic."

"Of what, precisely?"

"Of. . .what the hell are you asking me for? It's about getting stoned. They wrote it when they were stoned."

"Who did?"

"Oh, for the love of-- how can you not know the Beatles, Snape? Where were you raised, Transylvania?"

"It's not, actually."

"Hmm? What's that?"

"It's not about getting stoned, Sirius, it's about getting high. Here, take the pipe. The song is about LSD. Hence the title. To be truly authentic we'd have to drop some acid."

"I don't know if I could handle that. I must be getting old. I've never managed such a buzz just from pot. I really can't move my feet. It's bloody wonderful. Where did you get this stuff, Snape?"

"It's nothing out of the ordinary, I assure you. I only improved upon it slightly."

"Improved upon it? Improved upon it? What the fuck did you do?"

"Oh, relax, Sirius. Leave the man alone. You just said it was wonderful."

"He's probably drugging us so he can dump our limp and unresisting bodies in the lake."

"Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you I would choose a much more painful method that involved less anesthesia. Who has the pipe?"

"Sirius does. Mr. Greedy over there."

"Hand it over. I am getting an abominable crick in my neck. We must get off the floor."

"But being on the floor gives us such a superb view of the ceiling."

"Oh. Well, I can't argue with that. Hand me that pillow."

"Here you go. My God, this is amazing stuff. Am I the only one this completely blotted?"

"You're the only one talking about it incessantly."

"I wish you would both shut up. You're destroying my buzz. It's like getting stoned with fucking Punch and Judy."

"Ah. Now there's a Muggle reference I'm familiar with."

"Congratulations, Snape. You're ready to join the 19th century now. Come to think of it, you and Queen Victoria have a lot in common. Your shared sense of fashion, for one."

"Oh, bugger off."

"Hmm. Now there's a thought. You know, getting stoned makes me terribly randy."

"God help us all. Lupin, flee while you still can."

"I don't think he looks like he wants to flee."

"That's because I can't move my legs. Inside, I'm running away. I just can't do it on the outside. Also because I think I would be sick. Come to think of it, I just might be anyway."

"Remus, are you all right? Are you sure this blend is safe for werewolves, Snape?"

"What do you mean, am I sure it's safe? Do you honestly think I would try to poison him?"

"Well, perhaps not on purpose."

"So I'm not malicious, just incompetent. I've been blending my own drugs for twenty years, you imbecile. I think I know what I'm about."

"Hold on. You do this regularly?"

"I said nothing of the sort. You're putting words in my mouth."

"Why Snape, you old junkie, you. I have a whole new window on your personality."

"My God, don't you two ever shut up? I really think I'm going to be sick here."

"Here, take a deep puff of this. It will dispel the nausea."

"The hair of the dog?"

"In a manner of speaking. Is that better?"

"It is, actually. This stuff is terrifyingly strong, Snape. I don't know how you tolerate it on a regular basis."

"You know, we ought to have invited Harry to join us."

"Are you insane? I have no intention of getting stoned with a student."

"He finishes school in another month. It's time he became a man of the world."

"Sirius. Do you honestly think he hasn't done this before?"

"Of course he hasn't. He's been patiently waiting for his godfather's guidance. Next month, I'll take him to Hogsmeade and buy him his first whiskey, teach him how to smoke, and put him in Madam Lucilla's capable hands."

"Sometimes I think it's a good thing you don't live here, Sirius. You don't really want to know how past due you are on that one."

"You're goddamn right I don't. I'm going to steer Harry along the path of moral rectitude. He's not going to follow his godfather's example and slip into the slough of moral turpitude. No, sir. None of that."

"Just to clarify, Black. Lucilla is going to be his guide to moral rectitude?"

"You're trying to confuse me. It will not succeed. I will not be swayed."

"You know, Sirius, it's not a bad idea. Taking Harry away somewhere after he finishes, I mean, just the two of you. Spend some time with him at the shore, or something. He'd adore it."

"Hand me the pipe. You're right, Remus. We ought to do something like that. We could go to the south of France, or Majorca. Someplace warm and exotic, where half-clad young women frolic in the surf and lick gelato."

"And this would be the rectitude, or the turpitude?"

"Rectitude, turpitude, turpitude, tur-pi-tude, turr-pi-tude. . . what a wonderful word."

"Black?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean what am I doing?"

"With your hand. What are you doing with your hand?"

"Oh. That. I'm stroking your leg."

"No, you're not. You are a good bit north of my leg. Stop it at once."

"Why?"

"Because you are being positively indecent. And you are making me uncomfortable."

"Funny. You don't look uncomfortable."

"You are making Lupin uncomfortable as well. And you-- oh. What are you-- oh."

"Hm. Remus doesn't look uncomfortable. In fact, rather the opposite. Let's see if he looks uncomfortable if I do this. Hm. No, don't think so. Remus, are we making you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Really? Even if I did this?"

"No. I don't mind."

"Lupin, I apologise for Black's lack of-- oh. Stop. Don't. Stop."

"Stop, or don't stop?"

"Don't stop. Oh. Oh, please. My God, what are you doing."

"Remus, is it possible that you like to watch?"

"Some things."

"Would this be one of those things?"

"Um. Yes."

"Would you like to tell me what to do?"

"Just keep on as you are. I'm fine."

"All right then."

"Stop talking, Black."

"Giving orders now, are we? And what would you say if I were to do this? Hm? Or this?"

"Ah, God-- fuck. Yes."

"I hope that was a request."

"Arrogant bastard."

"Move this way. There we go. Can you--"

"Yes. Now."

"As you wish."

"Oh. Ah."

"Yes."

"Mmm."

"There?"

"God. Yes."

"Tell me how you like it."

"Faster."

"Like this?"

"Rougher."

"This?"

"Ah. Fuck. Yes."

"Jesus, I can't-- you feel so good. I want to see you come."

"Then make me."

"Bastard. How do you-- like-- that?"

"Aaahh. Oh, God. Harder, yes, Christ, I can't stop-- ah. Ah. Ah."

"Yes, come for me, you are so fucking beautiful like that, fuck yes, aaaah--"

"Sirius, Sirius--"

"Yes yes yes--"

"Ahh--"

* * *

"Remus."

"Mm?"

"Are you all right there?"

"Oh yes, I'm fine thanks."

"Because now you look a little uncomfortable."

"Oh no."

"What do you think? He looks a bit on edge to me."

"I'm afraid I agree."

"Here, let me see if I can help. Do you mind if I help him a bit, Snape?"

"By all means."

"May I touch you, Remus?"

"Oh. Please."

"Is here all right?"

"Yes, that-- that's really all right."

"Lift up, I want to get these off you. Good. Well, my friend, you certainly appear in need of some assistance there. Turn on your side. Do you mind if I use my fingers?"

"Oh. No. That's-- really fine. Oh."

"I'll need some lube if you don't want me to hurt you."

"Well, you can-- that is--"

"You can say it, Remus. Let me hear you say it."

"God. All right. Use his come."

"Like this?"

"Ah. Yes."

"You like that? My fingers inside you, wet with Severus's come? You like that I'm saying these things, don't you?"

"Yes."

"How do you want my fingers to fuck you, Remus?"

"Harder. Oh, please, please, harder."

"Like that?"

"Yes!"

"No, no, don't you dare touch yourself yet. You're just going to have to wait."

"Please."

"Severus, what do you think?"

"May I, Lupin?"

"Oh God, God yes."

"Like so?"

"Yes, yes, that's it, that's it--"

"Tell us what else you want, Remus."

"More, more, don't stop, oh yes--"

"We're not going to stop. You're so close, Remus. What do you want?"

"I want-- I want you-- to kiss him."

"Shall I lean over you to do it? Do you want to see?"

"Oh, that's it, fuck yes, too much, too much--"

"Come for us, Remus. Come on us."

"Aarrgh--"

"Oh yes, that's it. Isn't he lovely like this?"

"Indeed."

"Kiss me again."

* * *

"Well. That was interesting."

"Yes. Well. I think we have answered your question, Black."

"Oh? Which question was that?"

"We are definitely very, very, very stoned."

"I think we've killed Remus. He doesn't seem to be moving over there."

"Hm. You appear to be right. I don't think the man can hold his drugs."

"So."

"So what, Black?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Well, I did rather assault you."

"Oh, for heaven's sake. I'm not a helpless damsel."

"So you're not furious?"

"Do I look furious?"

"I'd have to say no. Is there any chance we might ever get to do that sober?"

"I think that was a go-to-your-grave-with-you experience. One orgy in a lifetime is about all I can manage."

"That wasn't the part I meant."

"What was the part you meant?"

"The part where you let me touch you."

"Ah."

"It occurs to me I'd like to try that under other circumstances."

"You're still stoned."

"Not really. Not that much anymore."

"I don't understand you at all, Black."

"I told you. Getting stoned makes me uncontrollably randy. And also-- well, let's just say it's been a while."

"I see. How long is a while?"

"A while."

"Have you not had sex since you got out of Azkaban?"

"No. Not as such, really."

"Are you saying it's been seventeen years?"

"I'm just saying it's been a long time."

"Well, your technique doesn't seem to have suffered."

"Some things you don't forget, I suppose."

"No, I suppose not."

"Black?"

"Are you all right?"

"Of course."

"You don't look it."

"Just drop it, Snape."

"I see."

"No, you don't. Let's get some rest and try to sleep this off, shall we?"

"Yes, I suppose we ought to follow Lupin's example. Although I don't think he's sleeping, I think he's passed out."

"Good night, Snape."

"Good night, then."

"Snape."

"What is it now?"

"That really was fucking incredible."

"I think you have that backwards. That was incredible fucking."

"The joys of the English language."

"Mm."

"So was that a yes?"

"A yes to what?"

"To my earlier question. About trying this when we were sober."

"Ask me in about an hour."

"All right. I'm too bloody tired to move my head. Do you mind?"

"No, I don't mind. Here, is that better?"

"Much, thanks. You're quite comfortable."

"Glad to be of service."

"Good night again, Severus."

"Good night. Sirius."

"See? You keep practising, you can even say it without grimacing."

"Oh, do shut up."


End file.
